we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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