Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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