I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
