hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
