Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
