i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
