Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
