Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
