I skipped work to stalk him.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
