I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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