Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
im holly from the hills drunk
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Mom said you looked used
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
