i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
