A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
