I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We have so much sex to catch up on
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
