Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
