I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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