WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
