Ambien. No doubt about it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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