at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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