it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
