I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
