I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
