the condom got lost in my hair
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
