I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
