you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Text me some of your sweat
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
