I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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