I'm really into asian looking animals
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
