i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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