Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The best revenge is premature balding
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
