Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
