She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
