I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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