While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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