someone threw a dead crab at me
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Who died my cat blue again?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
