Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
