my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
