Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
