Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
