Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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