He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize