Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
