Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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