Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
