She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
