I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
