I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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