youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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