arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
