on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
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I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
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I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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