Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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