There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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