Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
