Your dad touched me again.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
