I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
