Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
