I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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