so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
