If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
