Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
