I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
