I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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