The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize