I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
