And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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