jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
