Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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