Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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