If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
