I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
