just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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