guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
this will be a night to untag.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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