just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
