you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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