the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
