you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
