Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
