It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
